shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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