You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
