I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
