go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
