I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
