Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
