Just fell off a train. Bad.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
