D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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