turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
