i think my tv is drunk
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
