my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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