shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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