rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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