What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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