I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
