at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
