this beer tastes like vomit already
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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