i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
