Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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