i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
