At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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