The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
