she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
