Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
