What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
