I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
