Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
