There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
