Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
