god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i've created a new STD.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
