so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
