This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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