Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
