So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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