I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
