Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
