end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
