idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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