considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
