this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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