I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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