Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
