if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
