No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
