I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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