I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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