apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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