She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
