Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
