Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
