I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
